ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
she was so not down for the gang bang
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
