It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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