I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
