the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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