It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
