apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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