she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
