I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
