Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
