You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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