You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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