I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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