So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
