i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
