K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
