took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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