I'm pants shitting drunk right now
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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