i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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