At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
