When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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