I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
