Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
