I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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