Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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