I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
