we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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