there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
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