I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
