This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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