He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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