all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
