If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
smell my finger.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
