Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
