Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
