uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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