My friends, they love my intelligence
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
