I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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