Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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