I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
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