I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
you never un-have a 4some
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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