Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
