I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
