best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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