This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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