In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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