Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
bring money and cleavage
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
then he tried to convert me to islam
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Enjoy the penises
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
