Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
