we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
