Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Two words: blizzard sex
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
