You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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