is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
