Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
sex in a hospital.. check
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
