The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
