Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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