I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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