He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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