Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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