Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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